10:32 a.m. - Monday, Apr. 14, 2003
ech
I have to vote in provincial elections today. I don't even know where my nearest voting station is. And I have to take this FUCKING laptop into the shop because last night I wrote a paper, that is OVERDUE, and then found out this little bitch of a creepy machine won't accept my A drive disk? For no apparent reason. So I have to haul it somewhere and pay someone money I don't have to figure out why, and hopefully print my effing paper for me so that I can just give it to my god damned prof already, with my tricked out doctor's note that I'm nervous about. Then I have to try to absorb about 300 pages that I haven't really *read* for my final tomorrow. And because of all this I will miss godspeed. Fuck it, I don't even care, I'm godspeeded out. I want something but I don't really know what. I want this term to end. But I don't really want some crappy lame summer job either. Sigh. The real world is approaching hard and fast, and I fear I am less than fully prepared. I still sort of think I can just like, walk out on a job when I don't feel like being there anymore. And god knows school has not been the most disciplining experience. I cut that shit close all the fucking time. Will I ever be happy and productive? Man, I just want to get high and play guitar. Mind you, I am pretty good, maybe when I finally get my band on here in Montreal, I'll become an indie rock princess and then I *will* be able to just get high and play guitar for a living. That would be right on. But the more likely scenario is that I will continue along in this vein, letting shit slide, then getting it together at the last moment, pulling A's anyway, and then I will do the same in grad school, and then, if I can get a job at all, I will become a very disorganized and rediculous professor, who likes to get high and play guitar, and I will never get tenure, and i will never have any financial security at all, and I will cut my hair like Joan Jett, and talk about global neo-fascism and the IMF alot in my classes, until i get arrested by the secret police, and then I will die in prison. At least I'll be interesting. Ha, that's what I think, I'm high all the time!
