12:09 a.m. - Saturday, Jun. 14, 2003
Ants in my pants
Ok, all who read this journal must realize this now, i have a fucked up relationship, if I have one at all. Its always been long distance, its always been full of marauding, and who knows if it will ever change. often one of us seems to think it has, and then we find out the other didn't see it that way, and that chump is usually me anyway. However, this fucked up relationship happens to be with my best friend, and one of the most amazing people I've ever known, so we just take it as it comes. We'll see what the fuck ends up being up. So, anyway, don't ask about Jules, don't worry about Jules, I can't even keep up, you may as well not try to. In here I am going to trip about alot of stuff, stuff that isn't indicative of the perfect love life, but that's because mine is fucked up. That's the point. that's why i'm writing it. And believe me, right now...YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW. I'm dumb like that. I'm crazy, and probably extremely uncool, and a bunch of messed up shit happens a bunch of the time, yada, yada, yada, refrain from worrying. Just don't worry. Don't worry about me, and PULEASE don't worry about him.
I can not fucking sleep. I knew one of these bastards was going to take me down one day.
So here's a really depressing story, just cuz i already can't sleep from spaz, so i may as well start thinking about what a spaz i *really* am.
I had this pretty fucking intensely cool person hanging out here in montreal for a few, and I saw the fall were coming, bought tickets for a friday night, found out i had THE WRONG MONTH. That's super cool part one, cuz that was just barely embarrassing, you know that i fucked up a show that bad. Anyway, it was july 6 not june 6... i just got all stoked and didn't look properly. So i'm a huge ass, and super cool part two is that i've now found out that while we were without a fucking thing to do that night, the show that *actually* was going down was the Rapture. Could my life be any hotter? Thanks mirror magazine for saying anything at all about the rapture coming, you know cuz that's nothing, just a trifling. The Mirror sucks my ass. So anyway, i'd like to die.
I'm done with fun. I'm never having it again, its become too much pressure. Fun is a trap. Why can't I become staid. I'd like to be staid. It looks pretty peaceful and shit. Why can't I live for my microwave and cable T.V. like all those normal people? Shit.
Haha, this ghetto glam girl who calls herself 'Champaign', don't ask where I met her, looked at me the other day and was like "You still in the Matrix girl?" She said I looked like the white bunny chick. I was like, alright.WHEN IS SOMETHING GOING TO HAPPEN.
