1:17 p.m. - Wednesday, Mar. 17, 2004
Run rabbit run
So, yesterday, I was all like, Fuck it, yeah! Lets do it. Then we were all excited and fluttery, and like, 'marriied. maarrieed. marrieeed. Hmm...'
THen I called my family to tell them. As I dialed my face got all sweaty, and my head felt weird, and when my aunt answered the phone my tongue got sort of swollen, and I couldn't really talk right. She thought I was drunk I think...
Anyway, my folks weren't home, just she and my cousin were there, so I told them. I told them with my fat tongue, and my sweaty breath, and my aunt said congratulations, and all this other really nice and sentimental stuff, and asked a bunch of questions about the date, and whether I would do it in a church, and what my dress would be like, and I answered all the questions expertly, and giggled, and told her not to tell my mom and dad, that I wanted to tell them myself, because it was such an important thing and all. But the giggle sounded sort of hysterical, and more like a weaze at the end.
Then I called back 15 minutes later and said i'd changed my mind.
That time I am sure she thought I was drunk, and my laughter was not only a little hysterical, it was a veritable peal. She didn't laugh at all really, but when she did it was just nervous and forced.
It was quite lucky no one else but them had been home. It really was embarrassing enough making such an ass of myself to my aunt, it would have been fairly mortifying if I had actually told my mom and dad, in some fizzy champagne sort of moment, and then bailed. Everyone in my family thinks I'm crazy. Cuz I am?
I just couldn't do it. I said it, and then it was out there, and then I wanted to hurl.
I just can't do it.
Whatever.
