10:44 a.m. - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2004
fuck it
I don`t think I`m one of those women who thrives on a challenge. I like very few boys, I opt for quality, I know the ones I want are not easy to get, they don`t have to prove it to me. I`m not interested in a chase.
The men I`ve chosen over the past few years have been anything but challenging to land. They`ve been transparent. Eager. Smitten. We`ve felt an immediate sexual heat with one another, and then discovered that we also share many common philosophies and passions, which, of course, only fuels our attraction. They`ve fallen into my bed, or pulled me into theirs, with complete abandon. They`ve touched my face, ground their teeth against mine, whispered frantically against my neck. They`ve wanted me.
It`s only after fucking a couple of dozen times that the challenge begins. Oh, they still want me, perhaps they even start to fall in love with me and it scares them a little, I don`t know, maybe that`s why they change. Little things change. Intensity, accessibility, a scent, a look...
Or maybe I change. Maybe I become less hard, less elusive than how I start out. Perhaps they are taken with an image they have of me, and my just being a normal girl - a vulnerable girl, a tender girl - isn`t in keeping with it. They, it turns out, are creatures who thrive on challenge. THey don`t want my affections to become easy. Then the tests begin.
Then they take off, looking back to see if I`ll persue. They`re still with me. They don`t want to leave, despite an open invitation to do so. They still want me, I guess...but they pace our interaction at a constant gallop, trying always to keep a few yards in front.
Well they can get bent. I`m too old for that shit, I`m not chasing jack.
If you want me you can fucking show it. If you want me to want you, you can accept it and not fuck with it. If you don`t, catch you on the flipside. I have neither the time, nor the inclination to play come here go away, its exhausting and stupid.
Fucking boys.
